Girl, let’s talk about self-worth.
What is self-worth?
Self-worth is defined as a person's overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. I find that this is an area where many women struggle. I used to be one of them. My self-esteem was once so low that I did my best to convince God that He made a mistake in allowing me to be born and that He should reverse my existence.
Because we live in a society that says we should be above average in order to be considered special or valuable, many believe they simply do not and cannot measure up to these standards, putting a dagger in their self-esteem. In our media-driven age, outward perfection is constantly shoved down our throats on social media, covers of magazines, TV, on the job and even in the church. We are programmed to believe that the perfect woman (Whoever she is!) is this size, looks this way, has this many degrees, and lives this lifestyle. And when we compare ourselves to this imaginary woman, we beat ourselves up for not being her. Again, a dagger in the self-esteem, and we feel like we lose value because we are less than perfect.
We tend to measure our value by the weight of our experiences. If we’ve been hurt or abused, or made a slew of bad decisions, or dropped out of school, or grew up poor, we believe it causes our worth to depreciate. For me, having an absent father and being molested at a young age made me feel unloved, unimportant, and unwanted. But that couldn’t be further from the truth…for me or for you.
None of that stuff defines your worth. None of it!
So, what really determines your worth?
Well, it’s quite simple – GOD. See, the creator of a thing possesses the right to determine and set its value, and no matter what others may perceive its worth to be, it does not at all change what the original creator set in place.
Before the foundation of the world, God knew you, He loved you, and He chose you. He carefully put you together in your mother’s womb and determined that he would one day sacrifice His Son to pay the ultimate price for you. It was not contingent upon how your mother or father felt about you; it had nothing to do with the mistakes you’d make; it wasn’t based on how others would treat you; it had nothing to do with your educational, social, or economic status. God determined your value to be worth the price of Jesus’ life simply because you are His creation, and absolutely nothing can or ever will change that.
Your value comes from only ONE source, and that is God. It does not come from the source of what you have or do not have, what people think of you, or what you do. And even when you can’t see it yourself, your worth still remains. Why? Because nothing God has done can be undone. He does not change His mind. Your worth was set before you were ever even conceived, and it never depreciates.
By any means.
How can you begin to realize and embrace your worth?
1. Develop a relationship with God. He is the source of your value, and you will only be able to understand and realize it through Him. Through prayer, through study of His word, and through consistent communication with Him, you will discover who you are and have your perception of your value empowered. This is vital, because nothing receives power when disconnected from its source.
2. Remove yourself from anyone who treats you beneath the status of a queen, because you are a blood-bought daughter of royalty. Many women allow themselves to be handled poorly, especially in relationships with men — but that’s a whole ‘nother blog post for a different day. When you are treated improperly, particularly by people who supposedly love you, you feel like it’s what you deserve, but that is a lie straight from the pits of hell! If anyone is not treating you with love and respect, you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life, sis.
3. Forgive yourself. I find that many of us can’t love ourselves or see our worth because we have a grudge against ourselves. Sounds silly, right? But it’s true. You’re mad at yourself for mistakes you’ve made that, in your mind, have you behind in where you think you should be in life. Girl, forgive yourself! None of us are perfect and we will always make a mistake somewhere, but that’s why God gives us grace. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s okay. Dust yourself off and resolve to do better going forward. No matter how much you think you've messed up, you really haven't. You're not a failure; not a disgrace; not an embarrassment.
4. Respect yourself. You teach others how to treat you based on the way you treat yourself. Unfortunately, you often don’t have respect from others because you don’t have any respect for yourself, and it shows.
5. Speak positively about yourself. What you speak becomes what you see. What you say about yourself determines how you feel about yourself and, ultimately, the quality of life you give to yourself.
6. Be good to yourself. Take yourself out on a date. Get your hair and nails done, or whatever it is that makes you feel good about yourself. Invest in yourself.
7. Stop comparing yourself to other women. You were not created to be like Sally. You are Sue. Be Sue, because no one else can be better at being her than you. Your journey is unique to your destiny, so your steps aren’t supposed to be the same as hers. Embrace your own path…there’s beauty in your uniqueness. How boring would the world be if we were all the same?
8. Let go of the past. Whatever happened yesterday was yesterday. Today’s a new day and you’re still here, so obviously it wasn’t enough to stop you. Whatever happened, don’t allow it to continue to hold you hostage.
Sis, you are so valuable that God sacrificed His only son, and Jesus gave His whole life for YOU. You are valuable.