When Time Seems Wasted

A few days ago, I shared with a close friend that I felt like I have lost another year. For all of 2017, I was sick. I spent so many of those 365 days in bed with my body racking with pain, in the hospital, or recovering from being in the hospital. I left last year feeling like a total bum.

I remember one day feeling quite discouraged that I hadn’t been able to accomplish any of the long list of goals I had planned for the year. I was so down in my spirit, because I felt like so much time had been wasted on doing nothing and I’d never be able to get any of that time back. God, who is such an amazing and loving Father, ministered something to my spirit that totally made me change the way I viewed my inability to actively pursue the things I desired for 2017. He sweetly whispered to my spirit, “Your only goal for this year was to survive.”

That thing blessed me so much!

I recall being in my laundry room, crying my eyes out and worshipping God, because there I was feeling like a total failure, when, in actuality, I had successfully achieved the ONE thing that God has purposed for me — and that was simply to survive all of the attacks that had come against me.

I survived depression.

I survived excruciating pain.

I survived countless surgeries and procedures.

I survived feeling less than a wife and mother.

I survived a season of sickness.

I made it through everything that had come to take me out that year, and God gave me a sweet reminder of a promise to redeem time and restore (Joel 2:25).

So, a few days ago, when I was in my feelings reflecting over 2018, I felt a bit bummed. The first half of this year, I was drowning in depression and couldn’t find my out. Once I finally came through that and was ready to catapult my life and purpose, I fell to sickness again. Those experiences once again robbed me of living this year in the abundance I had planned. I told my friend, “It seems like every time I rev up and begin to gain momentum in my life, here comes major setbacks.” But no sooner than I began to have those thoughts, my amazing Abba Father sent me a word not to worry, because He will redeem the time and He will cause me to comeback from every single thing that has come to set me back.

Not only that, but He made me realize that I hadn’t lost another year of unreached goals, because one of my top goals for 2018, which was to mature and develop spiritually is manifesting. It has been an incredibly amazing year of spiritual growth. I have grown in the word of God in ways I cannot explain. My connection with Him is stronger than I have ever known it be, and I hear Him more clearly than I ever have before. So, no, Satan, you will not convince me that all was lost again, because what I have gained in my spirit this year far exceeds any other thing that sat on my 2018 goals list.

I’m so thankful.

See, it’s all about perspective.

Perhaps your year hasn’t exactly looked the way you wanted it to. That doesn’t mean you have failed in any way or that things never work out for you. It simply means that God had a different plan, a different focus for you. Remember, “You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail” (Proverbs 19:21 NLT). So, before you throw the whole year away as a total bust, take some time to really reflect on your experiences.

Consider the lessons you learned.

Consider the strength you gained.

Consider the revelations you received.

Consider the relationships you lost and the ones you gained.

Consider the realizations you had about yourself.

There is purpose in all of that, and it is worth recognizing and celebrating. Don’t become so caught up in living your best life outwardly that you completely ignore and discredit the good work that God is doing for you inwardly. Because we can look real great on the outside, yet be a total mess inside. But that’s a different blog post.

That inner work is the most beautiful accomplishment in life. I can say that I’ve spent this year doing the inner work and I’m much better for it.

I haven’t lost another year after all, because I’ve gained so much healing and growth. Oh, but 2019, I’m coming for you.